January 6, 2015
Having just returned from a 5 day trip to Atlanta, Georgia and having gained 5 pounds in 5 days eating disgustingly good southern fried food, I decided to dust off the following article and reprint it here.
Have you seen my friend, Will Power? Will and I have been hanging out together since I published my book. Will’s my best friend. He’s the sensible one, always keeping me out of trouble. With Will Power at my side, I have flourished.
Today, Will and I walked into the Garden Fresh Super Market together. Will thought we should stop for lunch first but I was in a hurry to get home and prepare for my mother’s 90th birthday. On entering the store I noted an attractive young woman standing at a table selling her goods, so I stopped to see what she was offering. Will was with me one minute and gone the next. I figured he wandered off for a moment and would return shortly. Mr. Will Power is a loyal friend; he wouldn’t abandon me!
Anyway, this young woman was sampling a multitude of cheese spreads on delicious, gluten free, crunchy, whole grain crackers. Any idiot knows not to walk into a grocery store when he is hungry but I figured I was safe since Will Power was with me. Unfortunately, with Will missing in action, I was doomed! They sure were delicious. All seven varieties!
I quickly gained my composure and started searching for Will. Searching the aisle at Garden Fresh was like maneuvering through a mine field. One aisle over was another sampling of cheesy treats. Two more aisles to the north and I was accosted by samples of fresh baked goods.
I figured Will Power would be waiting for me in the healthy produce area so I ate my way through the mine field, seeking refuge in the green leafy aisles. They were waiting for me and Will was nowhere in sight! Taco salsa and guacamole dip and chips tripped me as I turned the corner. They assaulted my mouth with jalapeño peppers. Over by the celery was another woman, offering tastes of hot dogs and queso blanco. I searched for Will while working my way towards safety in the fruit aisle and the hope of getting to the checkout counter without any other treats.
I’m home now. I’m calling everyone, asking for help finding my friend. I’m not worried about Mr. Will Power. He’s tough and can handle himself. I’m worried about me. Without Will Power, I’m afraid I’ll fall off the wagon. I know what they say, “If you fall three times, get up four;” but, without Will Power’s help, it’s going to be tough.
When I find Will, I’ll apologize for not listening to him. I’ll never go grocery shopping when hungry again. I’ll also walk right by pretty young women peddling their wares.
If you see my friend Will, tell him I miss him!