HELP

I NEED YOUR HELP!  It’s time to start working on my book. SInce I’ve started writing about the past, some of you have been reminding me of the stories that made us laugh together, cry together and form the lifelong bonds that I hold so precious.

I need more stories.  Frankly, I’ve forgotten many of them, not because they weren’t important, but because they were spontaneous custom-made interactions.  “B,” my car man, was in for a yearly physical (now considered unnecessary).  During his rectal I often remarked, “It’s time for me to replace my car.  While I’m checking your prostate, I thought I’d negotiate a great price on a 3 series.”  “B” would laugh and relax making the exam easier and I’d get a better price on a new car.  That joke served my patients well as it’s hard to remain tense while laughing.

Over the years, I taught medical students, nurse practitioners and physician assistants.  Students are usually stressed and uptight over their workload and the stresses associated with treating patients.  My staff would pour flattened Mountain Dew into a labeled specimen cup.  I’d ask the student if he/she would retrieve the specimen and I’d offer to teach them how to process the specimen and report the results.  Once I had the specimen in my hand, I would explain that, years ago, doctors would taste the urine and if it was sweet, diagnose diabetes.  I would then open the cup, take a sip and say, “Yep, it’s sweet.  She has diabetes.  Have a taste?

As uptight as everyone is today, you’d be reported for such a stunt.  But when I did it, one of two things would happen.  The overly enthusiastic student would reach for the cup or not.  If they reached for the cup, I’d explain that their job was to learn not to please.  That if something seemed wrong, it probably was wrong and they should defer acting on it until they had time to fully assess it.  If they didn’t reach for the cup, they’d look at me like I was insane, realize what was going on and relax.  A relaxed student learns faster than an uptight student.

So, if you have stories that you would like to share with me, send them to ssegal@lzftc.com.  As always, I promise to guard your identity. 

Here’s your joke for the day.

A man and wife are lying in bed…

The man says, “Hey, honey, do you want to make love?”

She says “Normally I would, but I have an appointment with my gynecologist in the morning, and that seems like it would be gross.”

The man says, “I understand” and rolls over.

After a few moments, the man rolls back over and asks, “When’s your next dentist appointment?”