SEX IS THE ONE TOPIC THAT ALMOST NOBODY WRITES ABOUT. YET WHEN I MAKE SEXUALLY ORIENTED REMARKS IN AN ARTICLE, MY STATISTICS SHOW THAT MY READERSHIP GOES UP AND MY REFERRALS INCEASE AS WELL. SO, IF YOU’RE OFFENDED BY SEXUAL MATTERS, STOP READING NOW.
Did you notice the all cap, bolded print above? I think my keyboard got excited about the topic. Why don’t more people write about sex? The obvious answer is that, even in our open/liberal society, talking about sex is still taboo. I suspect that the real answer is that the majority of people aren’t sure they’ve got it right!
Over the 40 years I practiced, I learned that everything sexual is normal for somebody. Yep, we all have different beliefs, rituals, turn “ons” and turn “offs,” fantasies and libidos. Most of us never get comfortable with our own sexuality, so how do we expect a partner/significant other/spouse to be comfortable with our needs and how are we expected to be comfortable with their needs?
Libido is the trickiest of all the issues listed above. Libido is not a stable entity, being affected by many variables. My practice taught me that God really does have a sense of humor. I’ve found that, in the majority of cases, if the male’s libido is high, the female’s libido is low. I would estimate that 98% of the time, male libido is high and female libido is low. Strangely, when female libido is high, male libido is generally absent.
I suspect that there are major reproductive and social reasons for the imbalance between male and female libido. In order to guarantee the survival of our race, males need to impregnate females which means females need to attract males. So, at some point in time, libidos have to rev up and coincide with your partner. Correct?
Yep! It works well at the onset. However, if Renee’s libido continued to match mine, we’d never leave the house. There would not have been a Lake Zurich Family Treatment Center, there would not have been money to buy food and I would have happily died at home from starvation, but I WOULD HAVE DIED WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE.
Remember the article I wrote about balance. Sex is one of those things that require a carefully orchestrated balancing act. Unfortunately, talking about it is taboo, leaving many couples stranded and stressed. Since they can’t talk openly about it, they suffer in silence, sometimes leading to needless divorce.
Believe it or not, the longer you are married the harder it is to discuss sex. What do you think? Is it time to talk honestly and establish a happy balance with your loved one? Is it time to demystify the taboos that haunt you?
It appears the LGBTQ has started a healthy conversation about sexuality. Shouldn’t the straight community do the same? My answer is obviously yes!
Here’s a true story to illustrate my point. The story is an amalgamation of many patients’ stories in order to comply with privacy rules. John when in the office for a minor cold. The cold was so minor that, at first, I couldn’t figure out why he was there. John was fairly quiet and withdrawn. I asked John if something else was going on and he quickly said,”NO!” As he was leaving, he said, “Can I ask you an embarrassing question?” I assured him that there was nothing I hadn’t heard, and, in the exam room, there was no conversation that was out of bounds.
“Doc, I’m dating a beautiful, loving, young innocent girl who I think I want to marry.”
Me- “Congrats! That’s fantastic! So, what’s the problem?”
“Doc, when we’re making love she does something really weird. Don’t get me wrong, I love it but don’t think it’s right.”
Me – “Take your time. So, you love it but not sure that’s it’s right. Why wouldn’t it be right? Can you tell me what “It’ is?
“Doc, she puts her finger up my butt, presses on something and I orgasm. Have you ever heard about anyone doing that before?”
I assured John that prostate massage was a fairly common act between consenting adults and that it was non-harmful and often males found it pleasurable.
John married his beautiful, loving, young innocent girl and just celebrated their 20thanniversary. They have three beautiful children. Had John not discussed his feelings with me and branded her behavior “taboo’” he might have broken up with her, forever changing his life.
Here’s today’s music and a joke or two. Doc
Doc – I’m so sorry to tell you that you have a fatal illness and only have 10 to live.
Patient – Ten what? Days? Months? Years?
Doc – 9.10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!” Doctor: “Nine.”