It’s Thursday night around eight. I’m working at the office laying floor and ceiling tiles. A young family eating TCBY yogurt strolls in. “Do you know anything about the doc whose opening this office?” the young father asks. I reply, “I hear he is great. Treats all ages and all diseases on a walk-in basis. Also lays tile in his spare time. Hi, I’m Doc Segal. We’ll be open soon.” That’s how I met my first patient.
John Jung called the next day. My office was a union job and the union workers were threatening to walk. It seems someone was working on the office at night. When I told John it was me, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. I explained that money was tight and the workers were making very little progress.
When the workers found out the doc was the culprit, they stopped everyone else’s work and finished the center. Apparently, they liked the fact that I’d get my hands dirty and it didn’t hurt that I did good work. The build out was only part of getting LZFTC open. Renee and I had to equip and furnish it.
The “Milo” in me showed up again. In this case, Milo performed well. Sometimes he’s too cheap, cuts too many corners and creates problems. The furniture in the lobby came from a restaurant supply house. The seating was to be banquets in a new restaurant that never made it off the ground. The sphygmomanometers (BP) were rescued from an old hospital that was being demolished. They were made during WWII. Every room was different as we pieced together the office from the remnants of prior docs’ practices.
Oh, yes, I almost forgot. There were curtains. Do you remember the curtains? I Ioved the curtains. I was an ER doc and needed fast access to my patients. I was soon to transition to a family doc and would need walls. I had one private room with 4 walls and a door. That room was used for pelvics and sensitive private matters. The doorbell was located on the wall above this room. If the front door opened, the bell rang. If you held the door open, it buzzed. During one pap smear, the bell kept buzzing, a continuous irritating noise. The patient asked me what the noise was and jokingly I told her that the camera’s zoom lens must be stuck. We laughed, the buzzing stopped, and all seemed well. In the news that evening was a story about a Northshore gyne who was drugging and abusing his patients. I never used that joke again. I also had the doorbell fixed.
I’m getting ahead of myself. First, I needed to assemble my staff. I interviewed Kathy in my family room on Chaucer Way. She was an X-ray tech by training but was to be my “everything.” Then came Barb and Beth, both dynamos.
Kathy was a great “everything!” She ran the front desk, purchasing, X-ray and roomed patients when she had nothing else to do. There was no task Kathy couldn’t do and do well. She also tolerated my off-color sense of humor. One hot summer day we were very busy. I was in a curtained cubicle examining a teenager when I heard Kathy tell me that Bob Chinn had called and he had a shipment of blue crabs. Did I want some? I excused myself and went to the hall phone to call Renee. I must have shouted into the phone, “Renee, Chinn’s got crabs. Take care of it,” The waiting room erupted in laughter. If you haven’t eaten blue crabs, you should get some.
I had two occurrences that put me on the map. The first was an interview with a reporter from the Pioneer Press. I told the reporter, in no uncertain terms, that my office was not an emergency care center. I was a family doc! The next day the headlines were, “Emergency Center opens in Lake Zurich.” I demanded a retraction and they printed one, in tiny letters at the bottom of page six. The mistake brought in lots of people to my front door and I grew to be thankful for it.
My next big break came when a young father of five called. His family was too sick to come in (with the stomach flu), could I call in some meds. I told him I would make a house call. I got lost going to his house and stopped several times to get directions. (GPS didn’t exist then). The word quickly spread that Dr. Segal made house calls.
My family of patients grew fast. LZFTC and my grand experiment proved successful from day one. All you had to do to be successful was give the patients what they wanted. First, you had to ask ten questions and respond to the answers.
The day I opened I realized that I had re-created Dr. Perlman’s practice. If you build it, they will come. And they came. And I miss it!
Here’s today’s jokes:
My teacher complained that my handwriting was too sloppy!
Well, if only she could see that I’m a doctor now!!
During an international gynecology conference, an English doctor, Dr. Jack Mehoff, and a French doctor, Dr. Connie Lingus, were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.
“Only last week,” Dr. Lingus said, “a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!”
“Don’t be absurd, “Dr. Mehoff exclaimed, “It couldn’t have been that big. My God, man, she wouldn’t be able to walk if it were.”
“Aah, you English, always thinking about size,” replied Dr. Lingus. “I was talking about the flavour!”
