FRUSTRATION

I’ve been working on my diet for months; and, unfortunately, I’ve had very little success.  In “Diets and Other Unnatural Acts,” which I wrote years ago, I explained why I preferred refining your own diet as opposed to conforming to someone else’s diet plan.  I was right, at least in my case.  Conforming to a “canned” diet has proven unsuccessful for me.  I was also wrong.  Refining my own diet has failed, as well.

I stated yesterday, I’ve been using food as an antidepressant.  I’ve been using food to fill the long hours of an otherwise boring retirement.  I realized that since retirement, I’ve been on a pity diet.  My pity diet has led to a fifty-pound weight gain.  Obesity sucks.

Three weeks ago, I decided I needed a radical change in my diet and some major behavioral changes.  I’ve done well!  I’ve lost 9 pounds on a modified keto diet.  Keto has not been easy.  I’ve spent a lifetime limiting fat ingestion despite the fact that I love cooking and eating fats. I haven’t abandoned my ideal, defined and refined, life diet; I’ve just put it off until I’ve lost a total of 25 pounds.

Striving to stay within the guidelines for a Keto Diet, I’ve sampled many foods that I’ve not eaten in the past.  I’ve also thrown out more food than I ever have.  One of the secrets of the Keto Diet is that many of the “Keto friendly” foods taste so bad that you want to spit them out.  While the internet will tell you that Aldi’s Keto friendly bread is the best, I’ll tell you that it is solidified sand and cardboard.  Remember, qualifying terms such as “the best” are all relative.  The best poop is still poop!  The Keto ice cream I just bought is probably made from poop.  It is a zero-calorie product (since I won’t eat it).

Obviously, to achieve permanent weight loss, I’ll have to find answers to depression, boredom, and pity.  I’ll also need to resume my Wellthy Diet, eating healthy food in appropriate quantities.  This is going to be a long-term project.

Today’s joke came out of the mouth of my 4-year-old granddaughter’s boyfriend’s mouth. 

“Mommy, is my butt-hole a poop copier?”

Which led to my asking: “Why do people hate poop jokes?  Because they kinda stink.”