Is it a blessing or is it a curse?  I truthfully don’t know.  I was talking to my brother tonight and he commented that everyday was the same as the day before.  He’s retired and recovering from a stroke.  He’s also got a great attitude. He wakes up every day, tells Martha that he’s still there and is happy with his new daily routine.  Like Renee, Martha has taken on most of Alan’s former responsibilities.  He married well.

If Alan can be happy with his new life and deficits, why can’t I?  Like Alan, I wake up every morning blessed to have Renee and the children, yet that doesn’t seem to be enough.  Happiness is a choice.  Obviously, my brother chooses to be happy.  As hard as I try to choose happy, I can’t get comfortable with my deficits.

I discovered part of the problem today.  Channel 3 News filmed my Rock Steady session today.  I realized that, of the 12 Parkinsonian participants working out in the gym, I was the last to complete every task.  I’m used to excelling and can’t stand lagging behind the group.  Still, Alan rose to the top of his profession and was a perfectionist much of his life.  Why can’t I be like him?  I don’t know.

I tell myself that I know where my Parkinson’s is going to take me.  Maybe that’s why I can’t stay happy for long.  I also know that no one knows what tomorrow holds for them.  I know that trying to live in the future is fruitless and causes anxiety so why do I waste time thinking about the future?  Again, I don’t know.  I know I should be happy.  I have great new friends in my sunny new neighborhood and live in a comfortable new handicapped equipped house.  So why can’t I choose happy?

I’m blessed with best friends from childhood.  I’ve got you guys, my readers.  Why aren’t I happy?  Is it the loss of my practice of medicine?  I think perhaps that’s the answer.  If it is, I’ve got to get over it!  While I idealized the medical world I lived in, I knew that it was changing; and I hated the changes.  I was not a “provider” and did not want to become one. I was a doctor (also known as a dinosaur).  I would have hated the Telemed that has become prevalent since the onset of Covid.

For sure, the fact that I’m Renee’s burden plays a role.  We pledged to be there for each other “in sickness and in health.”  Boy, did she get a bum deal.  When you are young and in love, you really can’t imagine what sickness really is.  If I can choose happy and maintain it, it will lessen her burden.  I choose happy.

So, my full-time job now is to work on my Blessings List and be like my big brother.  I choose happiness!  Now all I have to do is keep my head out of future thought and live as best I can in the present!  And follow my brother’s example.

My daily jokes start the day off with a laugh.  Here’s today’s.

What do you do if your wife starts smoking? “Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.”

How do you find a blind man on a nude beach?

. . .it’s not hard.

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2 Replies to “EVERYDAY”

  1. Dr S,
    Giving up your profession takes a toll on people. Ray went off fire department 13 years ago on disability. he still struggles with the fact that he is off on disability. give that issue time it does get better, I think! He just said it does not so I remind him he would be off now due to his age!!
    Stay positive it helps.

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