HOLIDAY EATING

HELP! I’M Drowning! There’re cookies and cakes, galore.  There’s ice cream and whipped cream, oh my!  There is flan and Crème Brule and cheesecake to name a few!  I did well on my diet for 6 days, then the food started oozing through the door.  And that’s just dessert.

We found a new crepe place, a good pizza place, hot dogs, smoked pork, and hamburgers. Firebirds prime rib was to die for or to die from.  I found my old friend, Will Power, sitting at the table, pouring calories down his throat.  I couldn’t get Will to leave the table.  He started breakfast at 7 am and intends to finish breakfast around 9 pm.

Holiday eating is part of almost every religion and social institution.  So, I eat and get fatter.  I look at myself in the mirror and am disgusted by my obesity and the number of food products staining my shirt. It’s a lost cause.  Within view from the chair I’m sitting in, there are silver bells, Mounds, Milky Ways, toffee coated popcorn, onion soup dip, fruit, pretzels and BBQ potato chips.

In past years, I’ve given sagely advice on how to deal with holiday eating so here goes:  EAT TODAY AND WORRY ABOUT LOSING THE WEIGHT LATER.  Eventually, either Will will come to his senses, or I’ll get so discussed with myself and lose weight.

There is a new medication for diabetes that takes weight off.  It’s very expensive and I’m afraid that the weight will come back when you stop the medication.  I don’t recommend drugs for weight loss.  I also don’t recommend gluttony.  There’s got to be something in between.  Meanwhile, I’m on the “F It Diet” whose rules are simple.  If you can’t F it, eat it!  F it is preferable 6because you get points for exercise.

Seriously, I have a fantastic holiday season!

Here’s your joke:

Honey, I look in the mirror and all I see is a fat, ugly, old man. I need you to pay me a compliment.

Ok. Your eyesight is damn near perfect!