STORIES PART 2

One of the most anxiety producing exams a woman can have is a pelvic exam.  Over the many years I’ve practiced, I’ve discovered that each patient’s pelvic can be optimized if you take the time to take a careful history prior to handing the patient a gown.

Nurses new to our staff were always confused by my insistence that the patient remain dressed until I interviewed the patient.  In particular, I wanted to know if my patient knew how a pelvic exam was done, what a speculum looked like, did they ever have trouble with a pelvic exam in the past and if they had any personal preferences for how the exam should be done.

One of my favorite patients (yes, doctors have favorites) told me that she hated pelvic exams but that if I told off colored jokes during the vaginal exam, it would help her relax.  I always made sure I had new material for her exam and we laughed our way through a difficult situation.

There was the woman who brought her husband into the exam room and explained that every time her husband gave her an orgasm, she got a bad headache.  As I took a history, it was obvious that both patient and spouse were uptight and anxious about discussing their problem but needed an answer and a cure as they were sexually very active.  I turned to her husband, hands together in a prayer position, did a head bow and said how proud I was that he had mastered the art of giving orgasms.  They cracked up, laughing their way through the rest of the visit. Ultimately, we solved the problem.  Saturday, close to 30 years later, my patient reminded me of that visit and thank me for my unorthodox use of humor.

The most fun I ever had in the office was when I brought a fart machine.  No matter what your age, farts are funny. My fart machine was triggered by a remote.  Jack and I taped it to the bottom of a chair in the check-out area.  One day I had my staff seat a pharmaceutical rep and his boss in the check-out area.  The boss was an A-hole so we sat him in the fart chair.  I waited until an older lady was checking out and then I pushed the button.  A loud, long, wet sounding fart emanated from beneath the manager.  The old lady gave him a disgusted look.  His employee gave him a disgusted look.  My staff maintained their composure, so I lit him up again.  

This time, the old lady looked at him and said, “That’s disgusting!”  The young rep stood up and walked away.  The staff cracked up as did the old lady who couldn’t stop laughing when I told her what I had done.  The old lady became a loyal patient and every time I saw her she asked if I had the fart machine hooked up.  The rep became a good friend and the A-hole manager never came back.

Here’s your daily music.  Enjoy.  Tomorrow we’ll review the humorous side of poop and pee.