I’M BORED

Yep, my brain is rotting and most days, I’m bored.  Monday and Tuesday are my best days. Today started at 6:30. Renee and I went for a ride on our new bike. Going downhill was great.  The wind blowing in my face was a new sensation that reminded me of how old I’ve gotten.  I forgot about the joys of riding a bike and gliding effortlessly downhill.

The problem is that, in order to go downhill, you have to first peddle uphill.  My legs started burning almost immediately.  In other words, I’m weak and in shit shape.  With the exception of the time I spent in rehab, it’s been years since I’ve exercised.  Basically, I HATE EXERCISE. I should point out that I live with chronic pain and exercise simply increases it.

Is exercise worth the pain it causes? ABSOLUTELY! So, while my track record is not good, I’m convinced that this time, I’ll stick with it.  First of all, I now have an exercise partner.  Renee is committed and will bike with me daily.  Second is the fact that working to go uphill is rewarded by the thrill of speeding downhill.

It’s going to take weeks to months to build endurance and rehab my leg muscles.  Obviously, I blew it.  Following rehab, I should have exercised regularly and I didn’t.  In the past, I’ve written multiple articles on the “should have, could have, would have” trap that people get stuck in.  I won’t.

Instead, I’ll start from scratch, work through the pain and build my endurance a little at a time.  That still leaves the problem of being bored.  I’ve got 6:30 to 6:45 am covered but what about the rest of the day.  Today was Mackenzie day so the morning was spent playing with Barbie, arts and crafts and blowing bubbles.  While she napped, I went grocery shopping and cleaned the kitchen.  

Mackenzie just left.  Now what? I’ll spend an hour on this article, prepare dinner and then watch bad TV.  Tomorrow is a Hudson day.  At 4 months old, Hudson sleeps, eats and cries.  So, I’ll ride the bike with Renee, write an article and go slowly crazy.

Did I tell you I hate retirement!? Today, I started reading help wanted ads on Indeed.com.  I’ve found the perfect job.  A sex magazine is looking for a writer with a research background (in sex ed, sex meds, sex research).  I have to update my resume and wonder if I can use Renee as a recommendation as she is best acquainted with my expertise in the bedroom.  Unfortunately, I don’t know if her recommendation will suffice but I’m willing to put in some extra time in the sack polishing my credentials. Personally, I think I’m an expert on the topic of sex.  My expert opinion is that frequent sex alleviates boredom.  Now that’s an excellent idea for a research project.  I suspect that I’ll have no problem signing up males but finding female subjects is likely to be impossible. 

Now that I think about it, if I count sex as exercise, I don’t hate all exercise. Renee let’s workout some more!  No, not on the bike, that’s our morning routine.  I’m working on an evening routine.  What? No, I’m not crazy but I am I’m recruiting subjects for a new experiment.  Want to sign up?

Seriously, what I’m looking for is ideas.  Since retirement, how do you fill your days?  I look forward to hearing from you. In the meantime, I think I’ll take a nap, then work on my resume.

Here’s your music and a joke.  

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed…

He begins to worry.

“Is this your husband?” he nervously asks.

“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend, then?” he continues.

“No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.

“Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

“No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!” she answers.

“Well, who in the hell is he, then?” he demands.

She whispers in his ear, “That’s me before the surgery.”