I have Parkinson’s. Everyone knows it. They can see the steady deterioration in my ability to walk and function. It’s a shitty disease, slowly robbing me of my independence. Last week’s bad days are this week’s good days.
What I want to know is whose fault is it? Shit just doesn’t happen in this world. Someone always has to take the blame! So, who did this to me? Is it my father’s fault? Afterall, it’s his gene I inherited. Should he have carried the guilt of bringing me into this world of Parkinsonism? No, maybe my grandfather is to blame. He died from Parkinson’s also.
As late as the early 80s, docs didn’t think you could inherit Parkinson’s. A world renowned Parkinson’s specialist at Rush reassured me that, since it was not a genetically transmitted disease, I could stop worrying
about it. So, if my father and his father had no idea they would pass on this lousy gene that would eventually destroy me, how can they carry any guilt or blame? THEY CAN’T!
If it’s not my ancestors’ fault, who else could have cursed me? IS IT MY FAULT? Obviously, I didn’t choose to be part of my parent’s gene pool. If I could have, I would have chosen the same parents. Sure, they had their flaws, but they gave me a pretty great life.
Should I have been in the gym everyday of my adult life? Certainly, exercise helps slow the degradation caused by Parkinson’s. Should I have followed a different diet? No, definitely not! Besides, I’ve been on multiple diets, none of which helps.
That only leaves God to blame. Being a tad bit egocentric as are most docs, I blamed God. Afterall, I must have been worthy of some personal attention for God to decide that I should be stricken with this disease. I decided that God was rounding out my education as a MD. That idea didn’t hold water as the disease removed me from direct patient care.
This must be another reason God chose me to carry this gene. The only thing that makes sense is I that I’m supposed to write this article. I’m supposed to tell those people who carry the guilt of having a bad gene that SHIT HAPPENS BEYOND YOUR CONTROL. CARRYING SENSELESS GUILT ONLY HURTS YOU AND THOSE WHO LOVE YOU. YOU DIDN’T KNOW.
At the time I had my kids, I didn’t know, but I was suspicious. I pray that one day they don’t start asking the question, “whose fault is it?”
By the way, it’s not God’s fault, either.