This time of year, I always repost the “BLESSING LIST\

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Do you have too much on your plate? Your husband is out of work. You have a full-time job during the day and you are mom at night. Your parents are getting old. Your house needs work. You have too many bills and your children are needy, whiny and unappreciative. Dinner conversations are all about “needs,” that four-letter word. Life needs balance!

Often, we are so focused on our curses and problems that we can’t see our blessings. By adjusting your viewpoint, you can reduce your stresses and better address your problems. Try this exercise:

  1. Your husband is out of work; you are blessed to have a husband.
  2. You have too much on your plate; you have a table to put your plate on and food to put on that plate.
  3. You have a full-time job during the day and are a mom at night; you are lucky to have a job and blessed with children.
  4. Your parents are getting old; your parents are alive.
  5. Your house needs work; you have a roof over your head.
  6. You have too many bills; You can spend less and live with less as long as you have a roof over your head, food on the table to feed the children and a husband to love.
  7. My children are too needy; they will learn the difference between wants and needs and learn to be appreciative of what they have.
  8. Whiny kids are healthy enough to whine and they will grow up eventually.  

So, make a blessings list. Include everything you are lucky enough to have, everything that makes you smile. Place that list on your bathroom mirror and every morning and night, brush your teeth for two minutes. While you brush your teeth, count your blessings. If you start the day blessed and end the day blessed, whatever happens during the day won’t be too bad. By the way, count the fact that you have teeth to brush as a blessing!

Here’s a joke.

The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife.

“Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?”

“Oh, no,” exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

 

 

GO TO THE ER

“Doc, I was so sick over the weekend that I almost went to the emergency room,” is a statement I heard all too often.  The fact that the patient was in my office and telling me about it is the good news.  The bad news was that, sometimes by delaying going to the emergency room, my patient missed an opportunity to avoid disaster.  I know going to the emergency room is time consuming and expensive.  I’ve heard it all!

What amazes me is how casually people gamble with their health and their lives.  How sick do you have to be to go to the emergency room anyway?  Do you have to be on death’s doorstep?  I think not.  Yet many of my patients wait until they are knocking at death’s door to call 911.

How much pain do you have to be in before you seek help?  The guy with the ruptured appendix waited until the pain was a 12 on a scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being the worst pain he had ever felt.  Actually, he only decided to go when his temperature hit 104!

How long do you have to suffer before you seek help?  Would it amaze you if I told you that a patient seen recently waited a full week before coming in to be treated for his chest pain?  I understand not wanting to go to the ER.  So, if you don’t want to go to the ER, how about calling the on-call provider?  Every practice has an on-call service.  If you thought about going to the ER and weren’t sure what to do, don’t you think calling your doc would be a wise decision?

While I’m on the subject, another thing I hear way too often is straight from the spouse’s mouth.  “I told him I was calling the paramedics but he said if I did, he would never speak to me again!”  Wake up!  If he dies, he’s never going to speak to you again!

My advice is that if you think about going to the ER, go.  If you decide not to go, call your doc.  Then pack a bag because he’s probably going to send you to the ER.  What happens if you go to the ER and everything is ok?  I guess you get to live another day.  Sound better than dying or spending an extended amount of time in the ICU?  I think so!

HERE’S YOUR JOKE OF THE DAY:

A doctor is examining a woman in the Emergency Room.

The doctor takes the husband aside and says, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”

“Me neither, Doc. But she’s a great cook and she is really good with the kids.”

PLEASE DON’T DRIVE

I first published this article on May 11, 2011.  It’s January 4th and I have a broken right index finger. My right hand is immobilized in a plastic orthotic.  Yesterday, I said, “I can drive.” I can’t!  I shouldn’t!  But I am a macho old man who needs to be reminded of his limitations. It’s a good time to re-post this article!

Having chest pain?  Please don’t drive.  Short of breath?  Please don’t drive.  Feeling faint?  Please don’t drive.  Is the room spinning?  Please don’t drive.  I am amazed at how many people get behind the wheel of a car when they are physically or emotionally impaired!

Once a week, we call the paramedics.  I guess I should be pleased that patients think enough of my care that they drive themselves to my office rather than calling the paramedics.  I’m not pleased.  It scares the crap out of me.  It’s one thing to underestimate how sick you are and die as the result of your own misjudgment.  It’s quite something else to arrive at the pearly gates with a stranger’s family in tow!

Pass out behind the wheel and the car drives off the road or into oncoming traffic.  What might well have been a treatable illness turns into a disaster of major magnitude.  Having such severe pain that you have to pull off on the shoulder leaves you all alone in your time of need.  I’m afraid that one day one of my most faithful patients is going to literally drive into my lobby.  Don’t let innocents get hurt because you don’t want to bother a friend or call the paramedics!

The paramedics are well trained professionals.  Their ambulance is a mobile intensive care unit.  Breathing is a funny thing.  My patients are always breathing until they are not.  They never know when they are going to stop breathing; it just happens.  It usually happens when they have a severe respiratory tract infection with cough and shortness of breath.  It happens when they are having the crushing chest pain of a heart attack.  The paramedics can breathe for you.  They can successfully start a heart that is no longer beating.  They save lives, yet many people are hesitant to call them.

Don’t be macho about driving.  This is one case where both men and women are alike.  Men can drive when they are half dead just because they are men.  Women are embarrassed to make a fuss by having the paramedics show up.  Dying needlessly is something to be truly embarrassed about.  Driving into a ditch or through a school yard is something to be embarrassed about.  Think about your family, neighbors, and friends.  Call them for help if you don’t think you need the paramedics.  Just don’t drive them off the road when you lose control of your car.

Treat illness like alcohol.  Don’t drive impaired.  Help is just a phone call away.  The life you save may not just be your own; it may well be the lives of the innocent!  

Here’s today’s joke:

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

SMILE

“A smile is contagious. Be a carrier!”

Easier said than done! These days, everyone is worried! They’re worried about their insurance, jobs, parents, and everything other than the one thing they should be worried about. That one thing is their health!

You can and will deal with an insurance company. Sure, your doc may not be in your plan. Sure, the care you need may not be available to you based on your plan’s restrictive policies. You may have to suffer with an inferior medication or drive to a distant place for a needed procedure to be covered. But you will still be free to get the care you need and want by going outside your plan and paying for it! You haven’t lost your freedom of choice; getting what you need and want just got more expensive.

I know your finances are a mess. Your job sucks. Everything costs more. So, what do you do? One of my friends is a defense attorney. I once asked him how an incarcerated felon could afford to pay his legal fees. His answer was that the felon couldn’t afford to pay him. The felon’s family can’t afford to pay him either, but they do. They find the money; they mortgage their house, take out loans or whatever they need to do to try to protect their loved one. Sure, they could rely on the public defender’s office; but, when the stakes are high, they want the best and the best is expensive.

Do you want the best healthcare possible? If you do, I can tell you where to find it. It starts at home! It starts in your kitchen! What’s in your pantry and refrigerator? Is it healthy? If not, pitch it! Have you ever heard, “You are what you eat?” It’s true.

Good health starts in your bedroom. Do you sleep well? Is your bed comfortable? Is your room healthy, free from allergens, noise pollution, and other distractions? Do you or your spouse snore? Are you up all night worrying?

Good health starts in your neighborhood. Are you taking 30-minute walks daily? Are you taking long bike rides? Do you go to the local gym?

Good health starts with your family. Are you and your spouse getting along with each other? What about your children? Are you spending quality time with the ones you love?

The best healthcare is not dependent on your insurance policy; it is dependent on you caring for yourself and those you love. If you and your loved ones are healthy, then you will rarely need to access the healthcare system.

Invest in your self and remember, “A smile is contagious. Be a carrier!”

HERE’S YOUR SMILE OF THE DAY:
I was on a train and this woman opposite looked at me and said, “Everytime you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place….”
I asked, “Are you single?”
She replied, “No, I am a dentist.”

A BLEED, A READ, AND A REFILL

As I began to do the research necessary to write and publish my book, I started reading my old articles. 

Here is one from August 13, 2011. 

It’s a classic and still appropriate 12 years later:

THINGS PEOPLE SAY

Patient “X” came in the other day. He’s one of my favorites. Why? 

Patient “X” takes excellent care of himself. 

I never have to call him; he follows up on his own. He takes his medications as directed. He “works” on being healthy! Patient “X” has his own unique problems yet maintains an “attitude of gratitude”.

Why am I writing about Patient “X”? There are two reasons. The first and foremost is I like to tell success stories. I spend so much time writing about what people should do that it’s nice to write about those who do it right. The second reason is because Patient “X” made me smile!

“Good morning, “X”, how’s life?”  

“X” responded, “Pretty good most days. I still have some bad ones, but I’m coping.”  

“What can I do for you today?”

“I’m here for a bleed, a read, and a refill?”

“A bleed, a read, and a refill! I’ll have to write about that. It’s perfect.

So, today’s article is about “A bleed, a read, and a refill.” In other words, it’s about the importance of timely follow-up. In “Your Doctor, The Master Chef”, I talk about my medications as spices in my spice rack and your treatment protocol as a recipe. 

Patient “X” has simmered for the prescribed amount of time and returned to the office for a tasting.

A “bleed” allows me to monitor the effects of “X’s” medication chemically. I can check his cholesterol, kidneys, and an assortment of other bodily functions with a “bleed.”

A “read” allows me to check his blood pressure, heart, and lungs, as well as an assortment of other bodily functions.

A “refill” allows me to ensure he is on the appropiate medications and give him enough to get to his next scheduled follow-up.

“X” is one of my favorites. He labors hard to stay happy and healthy. Because “X” does his work, I don’t have to work as hard! Thank you “X”.

Here’s today’s joke:

True story: My patient needed an IV, and the nurse got ready to start it in his antecubital area as per her training. The patient asked the nurse why she didn’t start the IV in his hand to which she replied, in Polish-accented English, ”I don’t do hand jobs.” The entire staff cracked up! 

NEW YEARS

I don’t get it!  Sure, New Year’s Eve is a great excuse to party but what’s with New Year’s resolutions?  Today, my patient proclaimed, “On New Year’s Eve, I’m quitting!  It really didn’t matter if he was quitting smoking, eating, or drinking alcohol.  New Year’s Eve is his magic moment to correct his last 20 years of sins against his body.

“It’s the New Year. You resolve to diet tomorrow. For sure! Tomorrow you will feast on tofu lumps and carrot chunks and swear off nachos for the entire millennium. Never again will a chocolate éclair or an ice-cold beer greet your lips. At dinner, you will munch on fricassee of algae while dishing up crispy fried chicken for the family. When you go out to eat, you’ll graze on cauliflower and kale stalks, oblivious to the ambient aroma of sizzling sirloin and the mouthwatering sight of the chocolate truffles at the next table. In the evening, you’ll sip your second gallon of water for the day while you catch the news, the weather report, and the commercials for juicy burgers with cheese fries. You’ll quit smoking, give up the booze, and never cuss again.

As for exercise, you’ll sign up for triathlons and join the local boxing gym.  No more driving to work. You’ll park the car 5 miles away so that you can sprint through the crowds, perfecting your jumping jacks as you go. You’ll leap up the stairs, 2 at a time, to your 10th floor office, skip down the hall to the water cooler, and practice squats at your desk. After work, it’s off to aerobics class before you race home to pedal to Peoria on your exercise bike. Tomorrow! Absolutely! Positively!  You are looking forward to it as much as having a root canal except root canals are quicker. 

You’ll run away with your wife, go to Paris, make love from dusk to dawn.  When you get back, you’ll take the kids to Disney.  Since you are going to be fit, you’ll climb Mount Everest.  You’ll do everything you’ve ever dreamed of tomorrow.  Today, you’ll work to pay for it. 

Today is the day you make a killing in the market!  You’ll quit your job, buy expensive cars and houses.  You’ll spend a few hours a day managing your funds.  Today is the day!  You would pray on it if you had not forgotten how.” (excerpt from “Diets and Other Unnatural Acts”).

So, why is New Year’s Eve so special?  Is it that the new year brings new hope?  If so, why wait until January 1 to resolve to change your life for the better?  Why can’t your new year and new life start today?  It seems to me that any day is a good day to quit whatever unhealthy habits you have and resolve to find happiness and “Wellth!”  Wouldn’t it be better if every day brought hopes of a better and healthier future?  Rather than resolving to change our lives for the better once a year on January 1, wouldn’t resolving to do better on a daily basis have a more enduring effect?

New Year’s Eve is a time when we let go of the past and look to the future.  We wish our friends and family a happy and healthy new year.  We even greet strangers by wishing them well.

When you wake up every morning, try letting go of the past and look to the future.  Resolve to have a better day than yesterday.  Wish someone well.  I know people may look at you as if you are weird but wish everyone you meet a happy and healthy new day.  I bet you’ll feel better.  

New Year’s resolutions are often short lived.  New day resolutions only need to survive 24 hours!  This new day, resolve to be happier and healthier.  Resolve to find “Wellth!”  May every day be better than the last!  May every day bring you hope and joy!

Here’s today’s joke:


My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

In 5 things that I want my patients to know, by Leana Wen, MDpublished in 2012 on KevinMD.com, Dr Wen states:

1. Antibiotics will not help the common cold.

2. A CT scan will not improve a headache.

3. Every test has potential side effects.

4. Lifestyle changes make a huge difference.

5. Aspirin is one of few medications that’s been definitively shown to help you. (recently under attack, may be harmful)

Dr. Wen’s advice is indeed wise and in many instances, parallels the advice I have been expounding on in this blog for the last 2 years. Other things I want my patients to know include:

6. Immunizations work! Immunizations prevent disease and, while they have potential side effects, are very safe.

7. The Flu vaccine cannot cause you to get the flu, cannot give you a cold, and does not weaken your immune system.

8. Doctors want to help you get well and improve your health. We would not offer a treatment to you or your family if we thought that it would hurt you.

9. The only truly foolish question is the one you didn’t ask. Feel free to ask me anything without the fear of embarrassment, just not at 3 in the morning if it’s not an emergency.

10. Doctors have on-call services to assist you in an emergency/urgent situation when we are not in the office. Please do not call after hours to get a refill or dodge an office visit.

11. No two insurance policies are the same. Know what your policy covers and what it does not. 

12. Stress is a disease and is contagious. Learn to manage yours and don’t transmit it to others.

13. Donating blood is the gift that keeps giving! When you donate blood on a regular basis, not only do you help others but you help yourself build the ability to make new blood more efficiently.

14. ‘Chicken Steps” work. You can become the person you want to be by setting your course and taking one tiny step after another in the right direction.

15. Diets are truly unnatural acts.

16. Because you have never had something is no guarantee that you won’t get it. As you age, you are likely to have a lot of new experiences. Work hard to make them healthy experiences.

17. You can change for the better. Define who you are and then refine who you are.

18. Love more, hate less!

19. Thirty minutes a day of exercise is not too much to ask of your body. It will pay off in spades!

20. Enjoy today and every day. No one really knows what tomorrow holds. Count your blessings in the morning and at night.

My list could go on and on but I will stop here and spend some time with my family, Facetime with my children, and count my blessings. 

Here is today’s joke:

Redhead tells her blonde stepsister, “I slept with a Brazilian….” The blonde replies, “Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?”

JUGGLERS

We are all jugglers. At every age and stage of life, we juggle from the time we get up to the time we go to sleep. Some of us are really proficient at juggling, others struggle. Often, the young juggler finds the act of juggling entertaining, even exhilarating. As time passes and life becomes more complex, juggling becomes stressful. By now, you are probably confused, wondering where I’m going and if you should close out of this blog. Stay for a minute more. 

We juggle personal, family, work and social issues. Think of each task you have to do today as a baton in the air. When you catch it, you need to finish it so you can catch the next one. In your early life, you have just a few batons in the air. In time, you add new ones. So, your wife asks you to buy play tickets. You finally have a chance to do so. You have that baton in hand when your boss comes in and tells you he needs those figures he asked for yesterday, right now. So, you toss the play tickets in the air and catch your boss’s baton. You start churning out the needed figures when your mother calls; her computer is broken. You catch that baton and toss it in the air with the one labeled play tickets. The baton the IRS tossed you last month won’t leave you alone. You’ll tackle it later; so, for the time being, you keep catching and tossing it back into the air. In time you have so many batons in the air, that as soon as you catch one, you have to toss it back for fear of dropping the next one.

Boom, you dropped one and it shatters. Boom, boom, boom, you drop more. Welcome to a midlife crisis. When you are juggling so many items that you can’t possibly keep them in the air, you crash and so do those around you. I treated midlife crisis all too often. Sometimes my fed up, overwhelmed patient simply quits juggling, turns and walks away (or gets admitted to the hospital). ALL, THE BATONS COME CRASHING DOWN AT ONCE! IT’S A DISASTER! Family, friends and work suffer simultaneously. Other times my patient manages to safely deposit enough items on the floor to maintain some semblance of life and tries to rebuild.

So, what can we jugglers do? One recipe for success looks like this:

  1. On a regular basis, everyone should take a break from juggling. 
  • Put each baton carefully down on the table and step back. 
  • Analyze what is on the table. 
  • Get three boxes and label them past, present and future. 
  • Sort the batons in to three piles: those that you can do nothing with; those that need immediate attention; and those that you can’t do anything with but will need to be handled in the future. 
  • Fill the boxes. 
  • Only juggle the items in the current box. 

Too often, my patients have old items (guilt, regrets, hurts) in the air, catching and tossing them to no avail. Getting them out of the air and into the past box is a big relief. Putting them away frees up time to work on the current box.

Often, my patients are tossing and catching items that are coming up at some time in the future (jury duty, a visit from the dreaded in-laws, colonoscopy). They cannot do anything with those items now, but they can’t quite let them go either. Putting them in the future box frees up time to work on current items. 

With added time and less batons in the air, you can get proficient at finishing and throwing away those items that need present time attention. As you deal more efficiently with the present box, you’ll find time to go into the future box, remove and finish those items and avoid that dreaded midlife crisis. When you are really doing well, empty the items in the past box into the waste basket.

What if the above recipe doesn’t work? That’s when you turn to counseling, family and community. A skilled counselor will help you safely get the batons out of the air. The counselor will help you sort each item and move it to a place of safety for future action. Perhaps you need to toss a few items to your family and your community. Perhaps you need to say NO to those who are tossing their batons to you. There are many ways to avoid the crisis. Whatever you do, just don’t quit and walk away!

Here’s your joke:

A man turned 40 and had the classic midlife crisis. He went out and bought a red convertible sports car. While driving his new car on the highway he decided to speed up and have some fun. Sure enough he heard the siren and saw the flashing lights behind him. In a panic he pushed the gas to the floor and started pulling away starting a proper police chase. After a minute of heart pumping speed, he realized just how dumb that was and he pulled over while the cop caught up.

The cop gets out of his car and does that cocky cop trot we all know. At the guys window the cop stares at him with a mean look. Not knowing if he was going to get a ticket or be thrown in jail for running away the guy rolled down his window and starts apologizing.

The cop stops him and says “ I have been a police officer doing traffic for 20 years. Today is my last day on the job and the last thing I wanna do is haul your dumbass off to jail ruining the rest of my day. I’m gonna give you one chance to get out of this. Doing traffic for 20 years I have heard every excuse in the book. If you can come up with a convincing reason why you just sped off like that, I’ll let you go. If not you’re going to straight to jail.”

The man thinks for a moment, then looks the cop directly in the eyes and says “Sir, three weeks ago my wife left me for a police officer. I just thought you were trying to give her back. “

The cop puts his pen is his shirt and says “Sir you have a great day.”

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE

I’m sure you’ve heard it said before that laughter is the best medicine. If you Google laughter and medical care, you’ll find lots of articles supporting that premise. There are also lots of projected benefits of laughter. So, assuming that laughter is the best medicine, how should it be taken?  Over the years, I have used laughter on multiple occasions to lighten the mood, lessen the pain, and relax the patient. I even had one patient who called me prior to every yearly pelvic to remind me that I needed to put together new material for her exam as the humor lessened the stress of the physical by keeping her laughing during the pelvic exam.

Those of you who were my patients know that my sense of humor is often off color and that I freely use sexual innuendo to get a laugh. While my colleagues might think my use of off-color humor is unprofessional, I found that I got better results with raunchy humor than I did with clean humor. It would be interesting to do some research as to my raunchy humor outperforming clean innocent humor; but, at this stage in life, I’m beyond research and more into practicality.

I have provided a joke at the end of almost every article as I believe that the proper dosing of humor to promote wellness is at least daily and probably twice daily (depending on how raunchy the joke is).  Fart humor is probably the strongest of all humor. At the front of the office (in the checkout area), we had two chairs where we usually put pharmaceutical reps waiting to see me. For years, one of those chairs had a remote-control fart machine taped to the bottom of the seat.

There was a manager who we really didn’t like. He often took over his rep’s conversation, stepping on the rep’s toes and pushing medication on the medical staff. Pharma reps who came to my office knew that the last thing they wanted to do was try to push their pills. Their job was to present the science behind their product.  Mine was to decide if the benefits outweighed the risks and expenses.

So, one day,

 we sat him in the chair with the remote -control fart machine. I had just finished up with an 82-year-old female patient of mine (who had a great sense of humor) and was happy to play along with us. She went to the desk to check out at which time I pushed the button creating one loud fart. She looked at the manager scornfully and proceeded to finish checking out. I hit the button the second time causing the sales Rep to stand up and leave and the old lady to turn to the manager and pronounce how disgusting that was and then leave as well.  My patient was marvelous. She maintained herself well and didn’t start laughing until she got out the front door. The sales Rep realized what had happened and started laughing as he walked out the front door as well. The manager was dumbfounded not having any idea what happened to him and never came back to the office. Even today, I smile when I remember this episode.

Remote control fart machines are inexpensive and a great source of healthy laughter. I highly recommend buying one and using it freely. I think that if you do, you will find that you feel much better, smile more often, and giggle from time to time. Actually, I think giggling is better than laughing.

So, here is today’s joke:

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.

She leaned across to her husband and whispered, “I’ve just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”

He said, “I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid.”

DON’T WAIT TOO LONG

One of the most common mistakes we make in life is waiting too long. Over the years that I practiced medicine, I lost many a patient to this phenomenon. When my patients put off going in for recommended screening tests, they ran the risk of missing important diagnoses and the time when something could be done about them.

Colonoscopies, done on a regular basis, can often find precursors to cancer and allow the surgeon time to prevent the onset of serious disease. Screening mammograms can uncover early disease, again allowing the oncologist or surgeon time to prevent the onset metastatic or late disease. While physicians disagree on how often the prostate exam should be done, checking the prostate may also save you a lot of discomfort and grief.

My recommendation is that you see your family physician once a year and discuss preventative maintenance with him/her.  Most of my patients did better maintenance on their cars than they did on their bodies. If your heart is the equivalent of your car’s engine, it makes more sense to take care of your heart than the motor in your car. To work on your heart, one often has to cut open the chest, do the work necessary and then wire the chest shut. With your car, it’s as simple as is popping the hood, replacing parts as needed, repairing parts as needed and then closing the hood making sure that the latch is tight.

That brings me to today’s article: moving into assisted living. Again, waiting too long can cause problems. If you move into assisted living now while you are still active and thriving, then the staff gets to know who you are, to develop a relationship with you and, when you need their skilled assistance, they will “care for/about you.”  Too many people wait until they are no longer themselves and need care.  The staff never really gets to know who you were and only see you as the shell of the person you used to be, now just lying in bed, eating and pooping and not doing much else.  Unfortunately, they failed to bond with you and the care you receive may suffer.

So, if you are contemplating the need to move into assisted living, please do so early in your old age, while you are still the person you have always been. SOB’s, PLEASE ignore the above advice.  You’ll probably get better care if the staff Never has a chance to see that side of you.

Ask yourself, “When was the last time I changed the oil in my car?” Then ask yourself, “When was the last time I saw my doctor for preventative testing?” If you know exactly when the last time was you had an oil change and lube  but can’t remember the last time you saw your doctor, you’re definitely a male. Now ask yourself, “Why are there so many widows as opposed to widowers?”  The answer is that women take better care of themselves than men!

After my prostate exam, the doctor left. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. She said, “Who was that?”

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