So, you’re getting divorced. Ask yourself a question. What do you want from your divorce? If your answer is revenge, you can stop reading now. Do you want your fair share? Who determines what’s fair? Certainly, not you! If your spouse thought you could be fair, you probably wouldn’t be getting a divorce.
While we are talking about getting your fair share, ask yourself what you want a fair share of. Obviously, you want your fair share of money. What about your fair share of the children? The dog? The timeshares? The ashes of a marriage lost? Your parents’ ashes? Or maybe you just want control.
Do you both want a divorce or is it being forced on you? Are you forcing it on your former mate? Is it making you sick? You’ve just boarded a flight to God only knows where. Who’s flying the plane? Again, it’s probably not you. If you had control, the divorce would have ended when it started!
“Tower, this is JD A. Hole, piloting Flight 666 to hell, requesting clearance for takeoff.”
“This is your pilot, JD A Hole. Buckle your seatbelts and prepare for the ride of your life. We will be taking off as soon as your enemas are completed and you have paid the flight crew. Installment number one is $3000.”
“This is Hole, we are approaching 30,000 feet and flying into a hurricane. Puke bags are in the seat pocket in front of you. Should you puke, please give the bag to the flight attendant so it can be included in personal assets. The flight crew has reported that one or more passengers are full of shit. Unfortunately, we can’t land until this situation has been cleaned up. Payment number two for $15,000 is due at this time. Please pay prior to your next enema.”
Get the picture? Divorce can be a trip into the twilight zone or worse. So, how do you avoid getting on that plane? No matter what you do, there is going to be a purge. Refuse to get on the plane. Instead, bend over and take your enema without a fight. Forget about fault. Forget about revenge. Marginalize the attorneys and buy back your life by paying whatever your spouse wants to end the marriage.
I know you are worried about the children. Trust me, the best thing you can do for them is to avoid the fight. The longer the battle goes on, the worse it is for the children.
Once free, you can recover your losses.
Here’s your joke for the day:
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
