FALLS

Have you ever called someone a DORK?  I have!  Do you know what a dork is?  According to the Collins English Dictionary, “If you say that someone is a dork, you think they dress badly in old-fashioned clothes and behave very awkwardly in social situations.”  Further, Collins states a dork is “a dull, slow-witted, or socially inept person.”  As of today, there is a new definition of DORK.  According to the Segal Dictionary, I’m a DORK.

Let me explain.  Between my massive belly, quadruple chin and beige grandma support hose, I’ve been approaching dorkdom.  Today, Amazon delivered my protective shorts.  Last week, I watched one of the members of my Rock Steady group fall.  I’ve fallen several times as well.  Despite my CRS, I remembered seeing a study showing that protective shorts were padded over the hips, back and buttocks and prevented breaks associated with falls.  I ordered a pair.  With my natural abdominal padding (fat) and bulges over my hips, buttock and thighs, I’ve crossed the line into the land of dorkdom. Add the support hose and I’m the king of dorkdom.   

Now that you have the picture I’ve described above, add one more item.  Occasionally, I have to swat at the fly-like floater that races across my visual field.  That action makes me look like a dangerous dork.  On days I go to Rock Steady and wear my protective shorts, I assume anyone who sees me will turn and walk in the opposite direction.

Of course, there is a silver lining in any cloud and my protective shorts make me look like I have a big package.  Now that I’ve completed painting a picture of what I look like, you can take a minute to puke and then I’ll get to my point.  The point of my self-deprecating article is that falls are common, as are fractures associated with falls and nobody except dorks where padded pants. I would rather look like a dork than have a broken hip.

If someone in your family is at risk of falls, buy them a pair of padded pants or shorts.  If they balk, have their doc review the care of a broken hip or wrist, etc. with them.  Hip fractures don’t just hurt, they can kill.

Now for a joke or two:

My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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