FLOATERS

I’ve heard about floaters my entire life.  My parents had floaters, as did many of my patients.  My brother describes his as a fly that constantly crosses his visual field.  Having never had one, I could not appreciate the amount of distress a floater could cause.

I have written about my imaginary wheel of medical misfortune (wmm) before.  It seems that my wmm has various body parts on it; and every morning the wheel spins and whichever body part it lands on is the thing that is going to bother me the most that day.  Last week my wmm landed on my right eye and I got to experience my first floater.  It freaked me out!  A thin twisted worm started crawling across my visual field and it’s driving me insane.

Lucky for me, I already had an appointment on the books to see an ophthalmologist this week.  Unfortunately, yesterday I got more floaters and some bright flashes of light.  The two findings together represent a major threat to my vision.  I talked with the ophthalmologist on call and he is going to see me this am.  I’m on my way out the door now and I’m scared.  The lesson today is that you only have two eyes and if one or both malfunctions, be seen immediately. While common, floaters may represent trouble.  Bright flashes can be a real threat.  A curtain over your visual field or loss of vision is an emergency. 

I’m back. The eye doc did a thorough exam and my retina and pressures are fine.  I just have a maddening floater that may or not go away. Most floaters are benign, as is this one.  That damn wmm is going to be the end of me.  Meanwhile, I’m so fat that my fat has fat.  The technician could not get the equipment close enough to me to measure my intraocular pressures.  My belly was in the way.

As Mr. Wonderful likes to say, “If you fall down ten times, get up eleven times.”  I’m up again!  Part of my weight is definitely fluid retention.  I’ll start  a fluid retention study tomorrow.  I’ll record intake and output as well as salt consumption and see my gerontologist for further testing next week.  I’ll persist demanding an answer and most probably we will find one.  If not, then it’s back to Illinois to see my former docs.

Here’s your joke for the day:

After lunch today, Renee said, “Hey, you have something on your chin… no, the 3rd one down.  I found it but it was on the fourth chin.

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