SEX PART 3

I shouldn’t be surprised but I am.  I know that, on days when I mention sex, my readership increases.  Yet, when it does, it still amazes me.  We are bombarded with sexual topics every time we turn on the TV, computer or go to the mall.  Victoria Secrets posters are every bit as good if not better than the Penthouse that I hid under my bed when I was young.

Often, I wonder why anybody would get paid to make a commercial that sucks, as, in my opinion, most do.  Occasionally, I’ll see one I really like.  The majority of the ones I like are sexual.  After all, I’m like you and find that the mere mention of sex increases my interest.  To illustrate my point, I’ve linked the word sex to one of my favorite commercials.  Click on sex and watch the commercial.  Did you like it?

So, if sexual inuendo and outright soft porn is everywhere, how is it that the mention of sex in an article will still boost my readership?  In my opinion, no matter what your age or particular tilt, you can never get enough sex.  Even after menopause (male menopause included), interest remains.

Have you noticed that, when it comes to sex, the majority of couples seem to be mismatched?  If the husband has a high libido, the wife’s is low (and vice versa).  There appears to be a universal law governing couples’ sexual appetite.  It makes sense.

Survival of the fittest would have necessitated such a law.  If Renee’s libido matched mine, I’d be thin and broke.  We’d never leave the house!  In the book I’m reading, “The House of God,” the resident’s mind (and eyes) are fixed on the nurses breast rather than on the patient they were coding.  Get my point?  Without the mismatch in libido, those with low libido would fail to propagate while those with high libido would propagate like rabbits and starve to death and the patient who was coding would be pronounced.  (Cause of death; Doctor pumped the wrong chest.)

So, my friends, don’t complain if your significant other’s sex drive is different from yours.  Accept the fact that mother nature knows best and that you need to get out of the house on occasions to work, shop and visit your favorite sex shop to purchase toys.

One of the most frequent marital problems I treated stemmed directly from the mismatch in sexual drive I’ve written about above.  One of the best kept secrets in the medical field is that sexual therapist /counselors do exist and if your mismatch is causing real problems, you should discuss your situation with your physician or move to California where surrogate programs are legal and, in some instances, covered by insurance.

Here’s your joke of the day.  It’s one of my favorites!

It’s a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: “Pierre, kiss me!”

Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie’s lips. “What are you doing, Pierre?”, says the startled Marie.

“I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!” She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, “Pierre, kiss me lower.”

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. “Pierre! What are you doing?”, asks the bewildered Marie.

“I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!”

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, Pierre, kiss me lower!”

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, “PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?

Our hero stands up defiantly and says,

“I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!”

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