One of my readers suggested that I write an article about the good things that have come out of Covid-19. She went on to give me an example talking about how nice it was to have her husband working at home since May. Obviously, I should tell you how nice it has been being quarantined with Renee since March. She edits my articles and I’ll pick up a few brownie points by schmoosing up to her.
Realistically, I’m probably driving her crazy. Can you think of anything good that has come out of Covid-19? If you can, please leave a comment below. I’ve gained 30 pounds since this started. If I had been emaciated at the onset, that would have been good. However, I was already overweight and now I’m thinking about becoming a Sumo wrestler.
I’ve saved a bunch of money. Since we no longer go anywhere, we stay home in the evening and count our newfound wealth. NOT! Out of sheer boredom, we surf Amazon and buy all kinds of crap we really don’t need. The high point of our day is checking the front stoop for Amazon packages. Today, my pickled celery came. Pickled celery from NY is seriously good!
I have not been this excited in months!
At first, donning a mask and playing doctor with nurse Renee was fun. After a while she tired of me pestering her, so she decided that, in nurse Renee’s exam room, a temperature would be done rectally. Oops, game over!
Nurse Renee says the only positive she sees coming from the Covid-19 experience is an increase in family time. Unfortunately, my literature suggests that the increased family time is associated with increased child and spousal abuse.
I’ve always said that, if you can make something good come from something bad, the bad wasn’t all that bad. For the life of me, I can’t find anything good coming from tearing apart the social threads of society. I almost forgot, COVID has killed 140,000 people to date.
The only good I have witnessed is the calls and cards I’ve received from my former patients who worry about my depression. Many have recounted how they are handling their depression. I want to assure all of you that I really am doing fine. I puke up the foul stuff that accumulates in my mind every day when I write this blog. Writing is cathartic, just as your reaching out to care for me is good for you.
Together, we’ll get through this! Here’s your song for the day and a joke.
Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.
Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen.
St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:
Don’t hit the ducks.
The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks “The ducks?”
“Yes”, St. Peter replies, “There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one next to him squawks and soon they’re all squawkin to beat the band, and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you’ll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy.”
After entering the course, the men noted that there was indeed a gaggle of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck quacks.
St. Peter walked up with an extremely homely woman in tow and asked “Who hit the duck?”
The one who had done it admitted “I did.”
Immediately, St. Peter pulled out a pair of handcuffs and cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand. “I told you not to hit the ducks,” he said.
“Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.
The other two men were very cautious not to hit any ducks, but a couple of weeks later, one of them accidentally did. The quacks were as deafening as before and within minutes St. Peter walked up with an even uglier woman than before. St. Peter determined which one had hit the duck by the fear in his face, and cuffed the man’s right hand to the homely woman’s left hand.
“I told you not to hit the ducks”, he said. “Now you’ll be handcuffed together for eternity.”
The third man was extremely careful. Some days he wouldn’t even move for fear of even nudging a duck. After three months of this he still hadn’t hit a duck. St. Peter walked up to the man at the end of the three months and had with him a knock-out gorgeous woman, the most beautiful woman the man had ever seen. St. Peter smiled to the man and then, without a word, handcuffed him to the beautiful woman and walked off.
The man, knowing that he would be handcuffed to this woman for eternity, let out a sigh and said “What have I done to deserve this?”
The woman responded “I don’t know about you, but I hit a duck.”