TRANSITION TO DEPENDENCE

OMG!  I thought when I retired, the stressful decision making that a family physician is tasked with (on a daily basis) would go away.  OMG, it doesn’t.  My workday started at Good Shepherd Hospital around 6 a.m.  Patients needed admission workup, specialist consults ordered and reviewed, plans (sometimes lifesaving) formulated, and orders written.  Then it was off to the office for a day of decision making as simple as ordering an x-ray for a smashed finger or as complex as dialing 911 and starting CPR. 

Wouldn’t you think retirement would lessen the decision-making load/stress?  OMG, it doesn’t. My work day starts at 6 a.m. It’s 12:30 p.m. now and I’ve already been stressed deciding what to eat for breakfast and lunch. Renee did a great job making a cheese and ham omelet for breakfast and heating a can of soup for lunch. Now, I have to tackle the really big decision: what to do for dinner.  Do I thaw some chicken?  Do I go to the grocer with Renee and get some fresh beets and chuck so I can teach her how make a hot borscht?  Or do we order in food from a local restaurant and have Uber Eats deliver it?

Then there’s the really, really critical question.  After I’ve decided what we are going to eat, will my body allow me to make it?  Some days it will, most days it won’t.  While I’ve always been the chief cook and bottle washer, Parkinson’s is eroding my ability to shop/ cook and, OMG, led to dumping these tasks onto Renee’s shoulders.

Yes, my hardest decision is whether I can go shopping, prep and cook meals and work around the house, or if I should stay home and leave it all to Renee.  I still have some good days.  The problem is a good day can turn bad in an instance.  In most instances, transitioning from independent to dependent is not easy.  Thank God, I’ve got Renee!  So far, she’s taken over bathing and dressing me.  I’ve got to admit, turning over bathing responsibilities to her has been enjoyable.  The dressing part is not fun.  More and more, she is taking over shopping and cooking (and everything else).

So, I’ve promised myself I would concentrate on the positives.  When I no longer can shop and cook, I’ll have more time to plan and execute my napping protocol.  I am the best napper you’ve ever met.  My napping protocol goes like this:

  1. Fall asleep in lift chair
  2. Wake up in lift chair
  3. Decide if Renee is up for a little whoopy
  4. If she is, it’s a good day
  5. If she isn’t, open the fridge and snack a little
  6. Resume napping

Then start all over again!  So, as promised, I’ve ended on a positive note. 

Here’s your music and a joke.

Little Sandy always slept through her Sunday school classes.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, Sandy, who created the universe?”

When Sandy didn’t stir, little Bobby, seated behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted Sandy and the teacher said, “Very good” and Sandy fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher notices Sandy with her head down again and asks, “Who is our Lord and Saviour?” But, she didn’t even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Bobby came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted Sandy and the teacher said again, “very good,” and again Sandy fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Sandy a third question.

“What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”

And again, Bobby jabbed her with the pin.

This time Sandy jumped up and shouted:

“IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!!”

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