COMING ATTRACTIONS

It’s been so long since I’ve been to an actual movie theater that I have no idea whether they still play coming attractions before starting the movie but the coming attractions were often the best part of my theater experience.  In a brief amount of time, the viewer got to experience the most exciting parts of multiple movies.  I remember saying, “I want to see that one as soon as it comes out,” and repeating it multiple times.

July 4th has always been one of my favorite holidays.  I love fireworks and water so the fourth of July was always a big deal in the Segal household.  There were fireworks over the pool and a great display at my neighbor’s house overlooking the pond.  The party often started at noon and ended the next day.

I was happy to see that my new neighborhood came out in mass to sit at the community pool and enjoy the spectacle of a 360 degree fireworks display.  Unfortunately, my Fourth came with a prolonged viewing of the coming attractions for the movie, “Living with Parkinson’s is Hell!”  I shut down shortly before getting in the car to drive over to the pool.  I stayed shut down for the rest of the evening.  I struggled to get from the car to the pool and did not think I would ever get back to the car again.

It was pretty damn scary!  I knew it was coming but didn’t think it would come on this quickly.  There is no longer any doubt in my mind.  I will have a deep brain stimulator implanted in my brain.  First, I must deal with the herniated disc in my neck, my chronic cough and my enlarged thyroid.  That’s already in progress.  I also need to lose some weight and have shed 4 pounds.

The most important thing I have to do is get in the right mindset.  I can contend with the medical end of Parkinson’s and even with the mechanical failures, what I’m having trouble with is the fact that Renee has chosen to take this journey with me.  Spending her retirement accompanying me through a tour of hell is just not right.  She deserves better!  Unfortunately, this ride may be far from over.

I’ve changed my mind, I no longer like the coming attractions!

Here’re your jokes for the day:

God said: “Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.” George Burns

The devil went to church one day and upon seeing his red skin, big horns and cloven feet, all of the people ran from the building in terror. All except for one old man near the front. He didn’t even budge. The devil was intrigued by the man’s apparent disinterest in his hideous appearance. So, he strode down the aisle to where the old man sat.

In a loud voice, the devil said, “PUNY HUMAN, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” Without glancing up, the man said, “I’d guess you’d be the devil?”

“I AM LUCIFER, MASTER OF THE SEVEN CIRCLES OF HELL! DO YOU NOT FEAR ME?”

“Nope.”

“DON’T YOU KNOW THAT I COULD FORCE YOU TO ENDURE TORMENT AND AGONY THAT WOULD GO ON FOR YEARS?

“I suppose you could.”

“AND THIS PROSPECT DOESN’T FRIGHTEN YOU?”

“Not really, no.”

The devil was so surprised that, for a moment, he forgot to act scary. “I must admit I’m confused; no one has ever been so calm in the face of such power before. I must know what your secret is!

Finally looking up, the old man looks the devil in the eyes and says, “Well… I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years….”

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