HUNGER

I’m hungry!  I know I have to survive the hunger that comes with a drastic drop in caloric intake.  I will survive the hunger.  It’s just unfair!  On days when I have Rock Steady or doctor’s appointments, the hunger is so bad.  Yesterday, I took Renee to the doc and skipped lunch altogether.  Part of the solution is staying busy.

Staying busy is not so easy.  Today is not a swimming day.  It’s 73 and rainy.  When you’re 70 and handicapped, finding something to do can be tricky.  Shopping is out of the question as there is nothing I need.  My hobbies are cooking, eating and writing.  When you’re 50 pounds over your ideal weight, cooking and eating is counterproductive.

Writing keeps me busy; but, over the last 30-40 years, I written about everything.  I have the severe form of writer’s block.  I call it Writer’s Constipation!  I know I have more words inside; I just can’t push them out. Even though I’m writing this, I’m still hungry.  Yesterday, Erin turned me on to Hearts of Palm noodles. I spent 1 hour looking for them in the store and unfortunately bought a lot of food I didn’t need.  Back to the Palm noodles; they are filling. A whole can is only 60 calories.  Unfortunately, they don’t taste great unless you cover them with a fattening sauce.

Daily Harvest tastes great.  Some of the dishes are filling as well; but it’s like eating Chinese food, your hunger returns quickly.  So, I guess the answer is getting used to the hunger and hiding in the bedroom to avoid the call of the refrigerator.  Right now, I can hear my fridge calling me. “Hey Stew, I’ve got some flatbread and pastrami for you.  Come and get it!”

Hiding from your own refrigerator is childish and sad.  I going to say bye for today and hide!

Here’s your joke of the day:

Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoeshine.  He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine.

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: “What do you think about the situation in the stock market?”

The man answered arrogantly, “Why are you so interested in that topic?”

The shoe guy replies, “I have millions in your bank,” he says, “and I’m considering investing some of the money in the capital market.”

“What’s your name? ” asked the executive.

John H. Smith was the reply.

The CEO arrives at the bank and asked the Manager of the Customer Department: Do we have a client named John H. Smith? “Certainly,” answers the Customer Service Manager, “He is a high net worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account.”

The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, “Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life.  I am sure we could learn something from your life’s experience.”

At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members.

We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer.  I invited him here to tell us the story of his life.  I am sure we can learn from him.

Mr. Smith began his story.

“I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name.  I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes.

I didn’t spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny; and, after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny.

After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients.  I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent.

A few years ago, when the previous shoe shiner on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place.

Finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a prostitute in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars.”

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One Reply to “HUNGER”

  1. Stewart, absolutely love your perspective on so many issues of life. When a doctor tells me I can’t have something anymore I want it more than ever. So I feel for you. I so enjoy your jokes at the end. They always make me laugh out loud and make my day. You are amazing my friend.

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